Summer – When does it start for you?

Summer – When does it start for you?

“Finally it is Summer.” That is the sentence I hear uttered on the lips of parents in the playground or my family and friends.

It’s no surprise really with the record breaking heatwave we Brits have had throughout May. An according to the newspapers the glorious sunshine, long summer days and hot weather could be set continue and be here to stay for the next month or so (fingers crossed but don’t take my word for it).

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Continue reading “Summer – When does it start for you?”

What Motherhood is to Me

What Motherhood is to Me

People that know me know that my kids mean the world to me. They are my everything, my reason for being and my constant source of joy, love and comfort.

As well as my total distraction and mode into complete chaos and madness, but back to my first point.

But what a lot of people don’t know about me, is that for me motherhood doesn’t come naturally and I am basically just winging it 85% of the time, especially now I am having to deal with the joys of having a teenager.

You see, growing up I believed that parents had it easy and even sometimes now I find myself daydreaming about the next stage in my children’s development and just thinking I will make it through and it will all be ok. Because come on how hard is it to raise someone you created and show them that you love and accept them unconditionally?

Let me tell you, once that child crosses into the teenage years, pretty dam hard.

All of a sudden the reality hits and you realise that this (not so) tiny person you brought into the world and have spent the last 13 years keeping alive, hate almost everything about you and thinks that almost everything you do or say is completely wrong, unfair or is totally ignored.

For me, this realisation came and slapped me in the face as my eldest son turned to me and explain, completely out of the blue, while we were waiting in line to go swimming, that he wasn’t going to be a stupid as I was and have children when he is a teenager.

Now don’t get me wrong, firstly this was music to my ears that my son wasn’t going to follow in my footsteps and was aiming to live his life and have children when he was ready and not make me a grandma in my 30’s, but also it hurt because here was my first born child commenting on the fact that to him, me bringing him to the world at 17 was a stupid mistake.

It scared me to think that he might grow up or already think that he was a mistake. When with every fiber that makes me who I am, I know that having my son at such a young age is what made me grow up. He, his brother and his sisters have been my driving force in bettering myself, for them.

Before any of them, I was a 16 year old, who went out partying every chance I got, I failed nearly all my exams and was heading down a road that would have had me waking up in my 40’s wondering what the hell I had down with my life.

Instead, I went on to be a single mother going to full time college, resitting my exams and going on to do my Alevels. I was aiming to go to university but I was heavily pregnant and due to give birth to my third child in the September after my exams, so I decided to wait a year and then the government changed and the prices triples and my dream was put on hold and I focused on my family and became a stay at home mum.

But even then I couldn’t just stay at home, I had to do something, like volunteer work, blogging and now all my kids are nearly in full time school, I am trying to find work that fits around them and helps make their lives better.

So guess while I am happy to know my son doesn’t want to be “stupid” like me and is planning to wait, I honestly couldn’t be happier for the choices I made because they made me who I am and I got 4 beautiful children to show for it, even if they do drive me completely mad most of the time, their mine and I wouldnt change them.

So it begins

So it begins

This is a new beginning.

Its the start of a new blog, a new outlook on life and for me to find my way back to something I once loved, hopefully.

Confused? Don’t worry, so am I most of the time.

But just keep reading and I will get to my point, eventually.

I’ll start by introducing myself. Hi, I am Nikki.

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I am a thirty-something mother of 4 and this is my blog, where you will get a front row seat to my utter gibberish, my funny anecdote and stories of my family and the crazy, weird and wonderful stuff that we all get up to.

As you can see from my pic I am not your typical mum, you would find in the playground. I love the alternative lifestyle of rock, tattoo’s and bright whacky and wonderful hair colours.

Although I was always this brave with my hair and style choices. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I decided to dye my hair pink and then I got the colour bug and I found that I could be myself again.

It was at that point that I made a few life choices (not all were the best) and I made some changes and I stopped doing something that I actually really loved, blogging. I spent most of last year saying I was going to set up a new blog again and that I was going to put myself out there again.

Because for me, blogging was always very therapeutic, it was a place that I could write whatever was on my mind, what adventure me and my kids had been on and it also helped me put a lot of the feeling I had about my struggles with life and motherhood.

At the time it was my place to be me and it helped me become the person I am today, but I think I outgrew my other blog and it became something that wasn’t what I intended it to be and I think that is why I stopped.

So, here we are. I am starting again and finally putting my words into actions. Go me.

I know I haven’t really delved very deeply into my family and my kids in this post, but don’t worry there will be plenty of post about the hilarious mischief my 4 year old gets in to and then there is all the stroppy teenager moments from my eldest and my 2 middle children who always come up with random and funny stories and situations, that there is plenty of entertainment to come yet.

I hope you follow along.

And I guess what I know from this post is that you should always be yourself and do what you love.

x Nikki x